Teacher said the students to convert the sentence ( I killed a person ) into future tense.

Suddenly ; a student stands up and said: 

Sir the future tense is ; you will go to jail.

teacher asked a student : When is it bad luck to see a black cat?

student answered : When you have a mouse

 teacher :Which is the strongest animal?

student : A snail.

teacher : why?

student : because He always carries his house on his back .

Center of the Earth

Friend asked juha :  if you are a genius,can you tell me where is the center of the earth ?
juha answered : yes i do , the question is very easy .
 friend  : ok my friend ; but Where is ?
juha said : Directly under the right hoof of my donkey.
friend : What! How can you be so sure?
juha : good . if you don’t believe me, you can measure it for yourself.

a boy asked an old man: you can tell me what the couple do in The First 3 Years of Marriage
old man : yes my son; listen to me 
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

1 - How have you called someone who speaks three languages?
- A trilingual
And a person who speaks two languages?
- Bilingual
And a person who knows no language?
- An American
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 2- Why do women live longer than men?
Because the paint and varnish it retains.
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3 -A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" 
 the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

The boy asked his friend: Why fish live just in the sea?
Friend replied: Because the fish did not wear her panties

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Wife asked her husband: Why do you go out to the balcony, when I start to sing?
The husband said: because people think I beat you.

a driver was arrested for high speed driving. However, Rob did not accept that he was at fault. The judge asked about what he had to say.
the policeman said: why are you driving so fast?
The driver said: Sir, I drove at the low speed. I’m not at fault.
The policeman asked him: Did you see the sign board that displayed 40 km/h, on the road you drive?
The driver answered: No, sir! I couldn't see the sign board clearly as I was driving at 80 km/h speed. 

1- husband asked his wife: you don't love me at all. 
wife points towards her children and says: look my husband; do you think I downloaded these from google

 2 - A wife proudly told her friend: you know I'm responsible for making my husband a millionaire.
the friend asked. : ohhh; it's good. but what was he before he married you?
The wife answered: a billionaire.

A husband said to his lawyer: I'm not happy lawyer: why?
husband: I want a divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: you have the best wife in the world; Think about it once again. Wives like that are hard to get!

When I was younger I hated going to weddings because my old aunts and my grandparents came near me, gave me a big friendly slap on the back by launching a joyful: - You're next, kid! - They stopped that stupid joke when I started to make their funerals

wife and driver

This is a woman who comes home and tells her husband:
 It must return the driver, it makes it twice trying to kill me!

The husband said, Let him another chance.

HUSBAND IN SUPERMARKET

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked :
 You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket.
 she answered : How i can help you?
man : Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
woman : Why?

husband : Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.

juha jumped on his donkey, and  was carrying some heavy saddlebags on his back.

one neighbour said : what happened juha?
juha answered : why my neighbour?
 neighbour : Why don’t you put the saddlebags on your donkey’s back?

juha : Are you crazy? in addition to carrying me, you want my donkey to carry the saddlebags as well?

miser 1 : I am so miser, that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.

  miser 2: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.

a police asked a young boy
Police: where do u live?
young boy: with my parents
Police: where does your parents live?
young boy: with me
Police: where do u all live?
young boy: together
Police: where is your house?
young boy: next to my neighbors house
Police: where is your neighbors house?
young boy: if i tell you u wont believe me.
Police: tell me
young boy: next to my house

A boy enters a cafe and asks: - Has anyone lost a big roll of money, with a coiled elastic around?
  A customer comes and says -  thank you my boy ; It's mine, it's mine!
Boy: Look, I found the rubber band,

A very nearsighted man goes to his optician
  the nearsighted  man said : Hello! 
 other man said : hi , welcome
- I came here,  because I have sight problems. 
-  Of course my friend, but here is a bank!

in a laboratory , A team of scientists decided to do some experiments on a frog. to discover some secrets  

at first, the scientists cut one of the frog's legs off, then they told the frog to walk. The frog got up and walked, so  they learned that a frog could walk with just three legs. 

For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the frog, then they told the frog once more to walk. The frog was still able to walk with only two legs. 

but in  the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the frog and once more they told the frog to walk. However, the frog wasn't able to walk with only one leg. 

As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the frog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer :This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you. The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other .

 then calls the boy over and asks,  Which do you want, son?

  The boy takes the quarters and leaves .

said the barber said : What did I tell you? That kid never learns .

 Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store : Hey, son ... May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?

The boy licked his cone and replied :Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over

Wife speaks with his husband:
- my love , Robert called you.
- oohh it's good . What did he want.
- He asked to pass the message to you that you will not go fishing tomorrow.
- Why not?
- Because the bar was closed for the repair works.

Husband to his wife in the morning:
- my beautiful wife, you know what i did yesterday in the evening
- wife answered: my love , What did you do ?
- husband : yesterday evening in one hour I have repaired the roof of our house and the car.
wife said : mmmmm , I thought Viagra has a different effect.