Teacher said the students to convert the sentence ( I killed a person ) into future tense.

Suddenly ; a student stands up and said: 

Sir the future tense is ; you will go to jail.

teacher asked a student : When is it bad luck to see a black cat?

student answered : When you have a mouse

 teacher :Which is the strongest animal?

student : A snail.

teacher : why?

student : because He always carries his house on his back .

mr bean developed by Atkinson while he was studying for his master's degree at Oxford University, the series follows the exploits of Mr. Bean, described by Atkinson as "a child in a grown man's body", in solving various problems presented by everyday tasks and often causing disruption in the process. Bean rarely speaks, and the largely physical humour of the series is derived from his interactions with other people and his unusual solutions to situations. The series was influenced by physical performers such as Jacques Tati and comic actors from silent films.

Center of the Earth

Friend asked juha :  if you are a genius,can you tell me where is the center of the earth ?
juha answered : yes i do , the question is very easy .
 friend  : ok my friend ; but Where is ?
juha said : Directly under the right hoof of my donkey.
friend : What! How can you be so sure?
juha : good . if you don’t believe me, you can measure it for yourself.

A friend asked juha : how old are you juha?
 juha replied : fifty years old.
  The friend said, but you said the same thing two years ago!
juha answered : Yes friend , I always stand by what I have said.

a boy asked an old man: you can tell me what the couple do in The First 3 Years of Marriage
old man : yes my son; listen to me 
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

1 - How have you called someone who speaks three languages?
- A trilingual
And a person who speaks two languages?
- Bilingual
And a person who knows no language?
- An American
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 2- Why do women live longer than men?
Because the paint and varnish it retains.
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3 -A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" 
 the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

The boy asked his friend: Why fish live just in the sea?
Friend replied: Because the fish did not wear her panties

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Wife asked her husband: Why do you go out to the balcony, when I start to sing?
The husband said: because people think I beat you.

a driver was arrested for high speed driving. However, Rob did not accept that he was at fault. The judge asked about what he had to say.
the policeman said: why are you driving so fast?
The driver said: Sir, I drove at the low speed. I’m not at fault.
The policeman asked him: Did you see the sign board that displayed 40 km/h, on the road you drive?
The driver answered: No, sir! I couldn't see the sign board clearly as I was driving at 80 km/h speed. 

Check out these funny videos of funny dogs and funny puppies. So enjoy this best compilation. Try not to laugh.

1- husband asked his wife: you don't love me at all. 
wife points towards her children and says: look my husband; do you think I downloaded these from google

 2 - A wife proudly told her friend: you know I'm responsible for making my husband a millionaire.
the friend asked. : ohhh; it's good. but what was he before he married you?
The wife answered: a billionaire.

A husband said to his lawyer: I'm not happy lawyer: why?
husband: I want a divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: you have the best wife in the world; Think about it once again. Wives like that are hard to get!

on the way to town. Juha and two other travelers stopped to eat the lunches each of them had packed for their journey.
One of the travelers bragged: I only eat roasted salted pistachios, cashews, and dates.
The other said: Well, I only eat dried salmon.
Then both men looked at Juha, waiting to hear what he would say.
Juha said: are you sure?
 Juha held up a piece of bread and confidently announced: ok my friends, I only eat wheat, ground up and carefully mixed with water, yeast, and salt, and then baked at the proper temperature for the proper time.

When I was younger I hated going to weddings because my old aunts and my grandparents came near me, gave me a big friendly slap on the back by launching a joyful: - You're next, kid! - They stopped that stupid joke when I started to make their funerals

• Love knows no patched trousers.
• it is more dangerous to fall in love than falling off a cliff
• Poverty kills the richness of love.
• The loves cats start by showing teeth.
• A woman dying of love is to seek the full moon day.
• The impatient love brings only disappointment.

- L'Amour ne connaît pas les pantalons rapiecés.
- il est plus dangereux de tomber en amour que de tomber du haut d'une falaise .
- la pauvreté tue la richesse de l'amour.
- Les amours des chats commencent par se montrer les dents.
- Femme qui se meurt d'amour, c'est chercher la lune en plein jour.
- L’amour impatient n’apporte que déboire.

BERNARD SHAW QOTES

Juha was taking a walk with his son; after a few minutes they saw an egg lying on the ground.
in this time the boy asked his father:
- how do the birds get into the egg?
Juha said: you add another problem son answered: why father?
Juha replied: I've been asking myself all my life how the birds got out of the egg and now here you are giving me another problem to solve!

wife and driver

This is a woman who comes home and tells her husband:
 It must return the driver, it makes it twice trying to kill me!

The husband said, Let him another chance.

Effets de Alzheimer

un homme malade : Docteur, je ne suis pas bien.
Docteur : mais pourquoi?.
l'homme : j'ai des pertes de mémoire, que puis-je faire ?.
 Le docteur lui répond : eh bien, payez-moi d'avance !

Blagues sur les couples

un époux regarde une vidéo à la télévision:
ne pas le faire! Je te jure que tu vas le regretter pour le reste de votre vie. Vous êtes stupide et idiote, écoutez-moi, ne fais pas ça. Non! Non!;
 - Pff, mais ce qui fait est déjà fait! tu es un âne stupide!
Épouse: mon amour, tu es fou ou quoi? Qu'est-ce que vous regardez?
Époux: je regarde la vidéo de notre mariage.

HUSBAND IN SUPERMARKET

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked :
 You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket.
 she answered : How i can help you?
man : Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
woman : Why?

husband : Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.

juha jumped on his donkey, and  was carrying some heavy saddlebags on his back.

one neighbour said : what happened juha?
juha answered : why my neighbour?
 neighbour : Why don’t you put the saddlebags on your donkey’s back?

juha : Are you crazy? in addition to carrying me, you want my donkey to carry the saddlebags as well?

Quand j'étais plus jeune, je détestais aller aux mariages parce que mes vieilles tantes et mes grands parents venaient près de moi, me donnaient une grande claque amicale dans le dos en lançant un joyeux : - T'es l'prochain, gamin ! - Ils ont arrêté cette stupide blague quand j'ai commencé à la leur faire aux enterrements !